This weekend Jordan, Caedmon and I went to the drive-in. I had a lot of cuddle time with Caedmon as he slept in my arms during the movies. He was what kept me warm and somehow made me think about what it would be like to have God embrace me in the same way I was embracing Caedmon. I had my arms wrapped around him and a blanket over the two of us. He was tightly pressed against me as he snuggled into my arm. Then I got a glimpse into how safe he must feel and how loved he must feel.
Imagine what it would be like for our Heavenly Father to tangibly be able to hold us in this way. How safe would you feel? I can only imagine how peacefully I would sleep wrapped in his arms. I imagine this presence is what he wants us to feel all the time. Just a thought I wanted to share with you. Hope it encourages you as it has me.
Happy Mother's Day!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Caedmon the "World Changer"
When I was 8 months pregnant, someone very close to me prayed over me and said while he was praying he just heard "world changer". Right away I was really encouraged and began to ponder what that meant. What was Caedmon going to do when he grew up to be a world changer? How awesome and how blessed was I to be the one to carry this blessing and raise him to be a world changer? My life was the first one that he changed. Caedmon has changed so many things about my life. He began to do so before he even entered the world. It started right after I found out I was pregnant. It's so amazing to me to see how much God can do through one life in just 14 months. (10 months of pregnancy + 4 months out of the womb)
Lesson 3: I was meant to be a mommy.
Lesson 1: My life is not going to happen according to my plan and I shouldn't even want it to because His plan is so much better.
This was one of the hardest lessons to learn. I like to think about things and daydream about the future and when each thing is going to happen. I do not like to plan down to the minute, day, or even week but long term plans I am ok with. At the time when I realized I was pregnant, I was in school full-time, planning to continue and finish in a year. I was still praying about whether I was going to go right into the master's program for Social Work. I was about to quit my job nannying and go into my field placement for the summer. We had just signed a lease with a roommate to move to Church Hill three days before. All of these things were about to be affected by the news "I'm pregnant".
8
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 
Lesson 2: God loves us and adores us as his children.
I never realized how much I took sleep for granted until 3 days after Caedmon was born. I think the longest I slept after he was born was 2 and a half hours and that was in the hospital the night he was born. The nurse came in and strongly advised that I set an alarm so that I would not sleep that long again since I was supposed to feed Caedmon every 2 hours. Waking up when the alarm went off after sleeping for only 45 minutes between each feeding was brutal but it was in that time that I realized how much God really loved me.
In my willingness to get up and care for Caedmon with no sleep and every bodily fluid possible coming out on me, I realized how much God is willing to care for us and clean up our messes. He is always there, always willing to talk, listen, and wrap us in his presence. He provides for our every need. He cares for us so much that he was willing to send His son to die for us. Even in our selfishness and sometimes not giving anything back, He loves us.
1 John 4 7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
I love being a mom. I love turning to see Caedmon's smiling face because he sees me. I love that I am the one that gets to comfort him when he is over stimulated, tired, hungry, or just wants me. It melts my heart every time he falls asleep with me. It is my most favorite job I've ever had. I'm not saying, it's not hard sometimes or I sometimes can't wait to be able to put him to bed for some down time but I would much rather have him than all the down time in the world. I am so thankful that God blessed us with him. He really is a world changer and he doesn't even know it yet.
I really feel that I kind of know how Mary felt when she sang this song.
Luke 1:46-49 " My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me- holy is his name."
Lesson 4: How to really love my husband
It was amazing how getting pregnant changed our relationship for the best. Not that our marriage was bad before but just that it was amazing after. I love these two SOOOOO much. Thank you God for blessing me with them.
Lesson 4: How to really love my husband
It was amazing how getting pregnant changed our relationship for the best. Not that our marriage was bad before but just that it was amazing after. I love these two SOOOOO much. Thank you God for blessing me with them.
My loves :-)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
The Name
Names are the first description of a person. When you meet someone the first thing and sometimes the only thing you find out is their name. So we wanted to pick the perfect one for our baby. When we found out I was pregnant we immediately started discussing names. We each had some picked out but only a couple we both agreed upon. We both thought we were having a girl so we had a definite name picked out for a girl, up until week 20 when we found out we were having a boy. For me it was really important to pick a name with great meaning.
Caedmon is a name we talked about long before I was pregnant. I read a book where one of the character's names is Kade. I love his character and his passion for God so I asked Jordan what he thought of the name. He liked it and mentioned the band Caedmon's call and so we looked up the meaning of the name Caedmon and it was "wise warrior". What a name! We both loved it. It's hard to name someone and have it be their name forever. There's a lot of pressure in picking the "right" name. We wanted something unique but not something that was so far off that he would hate his name growing up.
Jae-Sung was Jordan's name before he was adopted. His biological grandmother chose his name. It means "existent star" in Korean. To me the name has a lot of sentimental value. I love that Jordan was adopted because if he hadn't been I would have never met him but it also breaks my heart to think about how much he remembers and misses his family. So I wanted to honor where Jordan came from and the roots that are now in Caedmon. I want Caedmon to grow up knowing about where his dad is from and how he got here. It means a lot to me.
There is one famous Caedmon.
Wikipedia states "Caedmon is the earliest English poet whose name is known. An Anglo-Saxon who cared for the animals and was attached to the double monastery of Streonæshalch (Whitby Abbey) during the abbacy (657–680) of St. Hilda (614–680), he was originally ignorant of "the art of song" but learned to compose one night in the course of a dream, according to the 8th-century monk Bede. He later became a zealous monk and an accomplished and inspirational religious poet. His story is related in the Historia ecclesiastica gentis Anglorum ("Ecclesiastical History of the English People") by Bede who wrote, "[t]here was in the Monastery of this Abbess a certain brother particularly remarkable for the Grace of God, who was known to make religious verses, so that whatever was interpreted to him out of scripture, he soon after put the same into poetical expressions of much sweetness and humility in English, which was his native language. By his verse the minds of many were often excited to despise the world, and to aspire to heaven."
We loved this! We have prayed many times that Caedmon would love the Lord with all his heart, his mind, and his soul and love others with so much grace. We pray also that he would be a "wise warrior" for Jesus. Here is Caedmon's hymn. I hope it blesses you today.
Caedmon's Hymn (translated from Old English)
Now let me praise the keeper of Heaven's kingdom,
The might of the Creator, and his thought,
The work of the Father of glory, how each of wonders
The Eternal Lord established in the beginning.
He first created for the sons of men
Heaven as a roof, the holy Creator,
Then Middle-earth the keeper of mankind,
The Eternal Lord, afterwards made,
The earth for men, the Almighty Lord. <3<3
Here's what Caedmon looked like when we got to see him for the first time.
Caedmon is a name we talked about long before I was pregnant. I read a book where one of the character's names is Kade. I love his character and his passion for God so I asked Jordan what he thought of the name. He liked it and mentioned the band Caedmon's call and so we looked up the meaning of the name Caedmon and it was "wise warrior". What a name! We both loved it. It's hard to name someone and have it be their name forever. There's a lot of pressure in picking the "right" name. We wanted something unique but not something that was so far off that he would hate his name growing up.
Jae-Sung was Jordan's name before he was adopted. His biological grandmother chose his name. It means "existent star" in Korean. To me the name has a lot of sentimental value. I love that Jordan was adopted because if he hadn't been I would have never met him but it also breaks my heart to think about how much he remembers and misses his family. So I wanted to honor where Jordan came from and the roots that are now in Caedmon. I want Caedmon to grow up knowing about where his dad is from and how he got here. It means a lot to me.
There is one famous Caedmon.
Wikipedia states "Caedmon is the earliest English poet whose name is known. An Anglo-Saxon who cared for the animals and was attached to the double monastery of Streonæshalch (Whitby Abbey) during the abbacy (657–680) of St. Hilda (614–680), he was originally ignorant of "the art of song" but learned to compose one night in the course of a dream, according to the 8th-century monk Bede. He later became a zealous monk and an accomplished and inspirational religious poet. His story is related in the Historia ecclesiastica gentis Anglorum ("Ecclesiastical History of the English People") by Bede who wrote, "[t]here was in the Monastery of this Abbess a certain brother particularly remarkable for the Grace of God, who was known to make religious verses, so that whatever was interpreted to him out of scripture, he soon after put the same into poetical expressions of much sweetness and humility in English, which was his native language. By his verse the minds of many were often excited to despise the world, and to aspire to heaven."
We loved this! We have prayed many times that Caedmon would love the Lord with all his heart, his mind, and his soul and love others with so much grace. We pray also that he would be a "wise warrior" for Jesus. Here is Caedmon's hymn. I hope it blesses you today.
Caedmon's Hymn (translated from Old English)
Now let me praise the keeper of Heaven's kingdom,
The might of the Creator, and his thought,
The work of the Father of glory, how each of wonders
The Eternal Lord established in the beginning.
He first created for the sons of men
Heaven as a roof, the holy Creator,
Then Middle-earth the keeper of mankind,
The Eternal Lord, afterwards made,
The earth for men, the Almighty Lord. <3<3
Here's what Caedmon looked like when we got to see him for the first time.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Dare I begin...
So here it is... another start to the blogging world in my life. Jordan keeps bringing up the idea of how I should blog. How he wishes I would blog and how he thinks it will be life changing for me. I must say I love to read other people's blogs and always hope that I could write something as interesting but thus far I have not been confident in my abilities so we will see how it goes.
18 weeks ago I was in labor at the hospital with my son. My labor had begun on a Sunday night and it was not until Thursday that I headed to the hospital. My labor was very weird. My contractions would start each night at about 8pm and by morning they would subside. Each day I would wonder, "is this THE day"? The day that would change my life forever, the day that I would realize how much I took sleep for granted, the day I would become a mommy.
Everyone told me to get sleep while I could but when I was pregnant I just wanted to sleep because I was so tired from being pregnant. Tired from not being able to sleep and just tired from making another human being in my womb. It's a lot of work. I must say I did not actually think about how much sleep I would not be getting when I was was 9 months pregnant and wanting to meet my little baby boy. My thoughts were consumed with getting things ready and making sure everything was in its place. And once I realized that something was always going to be out of place and I just needed to relax it was baby time.
So after 4 nights of contractions and only a few naps to keep up my rest, I headed to the hospital with the thoughts of "these people have got to do something for me. I can not keep going like this. If I am not in labor then they have got to knock me out so I can sleep." I was in pain and with each contraction I could not sit down or lie down. But to my surprise, once I got in the office of my midwife, she checked me and I was 9 or 8 cm dilated!! Then and there at about 9:45am I realized I was going to meet my baby for the first time that day. I was scared, excited, and nervous. I was prepared. We had our bags packed and in the care for almost a week by then and I knew all the birthing positions and what to expect at each stage.
I'm not going to go through all the gory details. I just want to tell you that it went perfectly as I hoped it would. I had prayed that I would not have to deal with awful contractions all the way to the hospital in the car. I had prayed that I would get to the hospital when I was close to the end and be able to stay home as long as possible. (8cm is pretty good) I had prayed that I would be able to handle natural labor. One day in my prayer time with the Lord, he reminded me to fix my eyes on him and that he would carry me through. That is what got me through the task of birthing. With each contraction, I was totally reliant on Jordan to hold me and remind me of breathing and rocking through the pain and that Jesus was going to carry me through it all. So with all that said I would like you to meet the newest addition to my life, Caedmon Jae-Sung. More to come on why we chose this name, what it all means, and how much he has taught me already in his 4 months of life.
18 weeks ago I was in labor at the hospital with my son. My labor had begun on a Sunday night and it was not until Thursday that I headed to the hospital. My labor was very weird. My contractions would start each night at about 8pm and by morning they would subside. Each day I would wonder, "is this THE day"? The day that would change my life forever, the day that I would realize how much I took sleep for granted, the day I would become a mommy.
Everyone told me to get sleep while I could but when I was pregnant I just wanted to sleep because I was so tired from being pregnant. Tired from not being able to sleep and just tired from making another human being in my womb. It's a lot of work. I must say I did not actually think about how much sleep I would not be getting when I was was 9 months pregnant and wanting to meet my little baby boy. My thoughts were consumed with getting things ready and making sure everything was in its place. And once I realized that something was always going to be out of place and I just needed to relax it was baby time.
So after 4 nights of contractions and only a few naps to keep up my rest, I headed to the hospital with the thoughts of "these people have got to do something for me. I can not keep going like this. If I am not in labor then they have got to knock me out so I can sleep." I was in pain and with each contraction I could not sit down or lie down. But to my surprise, once I got in the office of my midwife, she checked me and I was 9 or 8 cm dilated!! Then and there at about 9:45am I realized I was going to meet my baby for the first time that day. I was scared, excited, and nervous. I was prepared. We had our bags packed and in the care for almost a week by then and I knew all the birthing positions and what to expect at each stage.
I'm not going to go through all the gory details. I just want to tell you that it went perfectly as I hoped it would. I had prayed that I would not have to deal with awful contractions all the way to the hospital in the car. I had prayed that I would get to the hospital when I was close to the end and be able to stay home as long as possible. (8cm is pretty good) I had prayed that I would be able to handle natural labor. One day in my prayer time with the Lord, he reminded me to fix my eyes on him and that he would carry me through. That is what got me through the task of birthing. With each contraction, I was totally reliant on Jordan to hold me and remind me of breathing and rocking through the pain and that Jesus was going to carry me through it all. So with all that said I would like you to meet the newest addition to my life, Caedmon Jae-Sung. More to come on why we chose this name, what it all means, and how much he has taught me already in his 4 months of life.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Love Eachother
Imagine being spun around in circles in a dark room and then trying to find your way to the light switch. It would be easy if you knew the layout of the room and the lights had just been turned off but adding the turning in circles makes it difficult to reorient yourself to your familiar surroundings. I have recently realized I have been turning in circles with my eyes closed trying to figure out how to love people when the answer was right in front of me. Just do it. I loved my family all my life with out any hesitation until I became a Christian in 2004. Now I am almost seven years old in my faith in Christ and I am just figuring out how to do it again. I have fallen for all the lies that said my family is in need of saving, my family doesn't understand,my family is lost, and the list goes on and on. What I'm coming to realize about my family is that they really do get it. They love unconditionally, serve each other, and give generously. They love to spend time with me and I have forgotten how easy it used to be for me to hang out with them. It's like I have forgotten the meaning of family and the comfort I should have from being around them. The only thing they are missing is a relationship with Christ. I have told them about Him and now it is up to God to reveal himself and soften their hearts, not me. Now all I need to do is love because that is what God has called me to do.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Life
Is it selfish to only think about the hope you have in eternity? How can we have hope and say God can use ugliness for his glory when those who are hurting are not saved? They do not have the security of hope in eternity with Jesus so what gets them through the hell here on Earth. I want so badly to trust that all of this is part of God's plan. I want to know that his heart is more broken than mine. I don't understand suffering and when it is just poor decisions but all of it sucks.
Why do I get to know the hope and not someone just like me? What could possibly be so different between me and someone who has the exact same background as me? Just thought I would share some of the thoughts I have been having lately. I hope to have something profound soon.
Something I read earlier though that offered some comfort from Abba's Child by Brennan Manning:
"Without deliberate awareness of the present risenness of Jesus, life is nonsense, all activity useless, all relationships in vain. Apart from the risen Christ we live in a world of impenetrable mystery and utter obscurity-- a world without meaning, a world of shifting phenomena, a world of death, danger, and darkness."
God I want to experience the presence of the risenness of Christ and not just be part of the meaninglessness of life.
Why do I get to know the hope and not someone just like me? What could possibly be so different between me and someone who has the exact same background as me? Just thought I would share some of the thoughts I have been having lately. I hope to have something profound soon.
Something I read earlier though that offered some comfort from Abba's Child by Brennan Manning:
"Without deliberate awareness of the present risenness of Jesus, life is nonsense, all activity useless, all relationships in vain. Apart from the risen Christ we live in a world of impenetrable mystery and utter obscurity-- a world without meaning, a world of shifting phenomena, a world of death, danger, and darkness."
God I want to experience the presence of the risenness of Christ and not just be part of the meaninglessness of life.
Friday, March 18, 2011
What does Jesus really think?
I never knew what it would look like to be a social work major. I never knew what things I would have to think about or question in myself. I've had to discuss so many hot topics in the last 10 weeks of my education that it has totally shaken my world. I have learned about discrimination and other forms of oppression people face daily while I ignorantly go through the day oblivious. People actually are experiencing it right in front of my face and I have been so blind to it till now. The beginning of the semester was the beginning of my realization of these things and a righteous anger welling up inside of me. I have been so angry at all of the privileges I have been afforded for being white, middle class and able. I have been humbled by the things I have been blessed with while people who are just like me have had to fight, face hurt, and been denied the opportunities I have had.
It is so hard for me to think about the injustices and not get angry. My foundation is solid on the rock but the structure of my faith is reorganizing and going through renovations. God has taught us to love Him most and to love our neighbor as ourselves. How can we do this with out contradicting the beliefs in the Bible? God says that homosexuality is wrong but where do we draw the line on oppressing them? I want to think that it is wrong to deny them rights because they are people just like me. Why do I deserve special treatment? I am no better than they are. Why is there label so strong that it defines who they are? How am I supposed to advocate for the person and not for the sin? All of these things I have been struggling with. I want so badly to glorify God and to not cause anyone to stumble but I do not want to advocate for sin or be unloving towards any person. Where are we supposed to draw the line? Is there a way to do both?
I'm not sure what the answers are to these questions... I'm not sure there is a clear answer. I have learned a lot in the last two weeks about people and God. God loves all people. He sees down to their core. I am so tired of the Christianese talk and the fake masks that we wear every day. I want to see the reality of it all and how ugly we are with out Jesus. We all struggle with something and who is to say which thing is worse than the other. I don't believe that is how God works. The bible says there is no favoritism or partiality. I am just asking for people to be real with one another. Show your weaknesses and your strengths. Share them with people so that you can encourage one another. God wants to use our failure for his glory; we just need to let him. Opening up and showing our brokenness gives him the avenue to express his love and how to make it through this walk of faith. It also helps us to love people because it is when we actually can understand the love of God. God loves us in our brokenness. We do not need to do anything to earn it. Nothing we do will surprise him. He knows our inner most thoughts and still calls us to him. I am humbled at the thought of how much he loves us. I really want to be more like Him and just love people where they are for who they are and not what they do.
God open my eyes and my heart to love people the way you do. Teach me to walk in your ways and to see them the way you do. Help me to be open and honest with the places that I am failing in. Help me to shine a light in the darkness and to lead people to you. I give you all the honor, all the glory and all the praise. In your son's precious and mighty name I pray. Amen.
It is so hard for me to think about the injustices and not get angry. My foundation is solid on the rock but the structure of my faith is reorganizing and going through renovations. God has taught us to love Him most and to love our neighbor as ourselves. How can we do this with out contradicting the beliefs in the Bible? God says that homosexuality is wrong but where do we draw the line on oppressing them? I want to think that it is wrong to deny them rights because they are people just like me. Why do I deserve special treatment? I am no better than they are. Why is there label so strong that it defines who they are? How am I supposed to advocate for the person and not for the sin? All of these things I have been struggling with. I want so badly to glorify God and to not cause anyone to stumble but I do not want to advocate for sin or be unloving towards any person. Where are we supposed to draw the line? Is there a way to do both?
I'm not sure what the answers are to these questions... I'm not sure there is a clear answer. I have learned a lot in the last two weeks about people and God. God loves all people. He sees down to their core. I am so tired of the Christianese talk and the fake masks that we wear every day. I want to see the reality of it all and how ugly we are with out Jesus. We all struggle with something and who is to say which thing is worse than the other. I don't believe that is how God works. The bible says there is no favoritism or partiality. I am just asking for people to be real with one another. Show your weaknesses and your strengths. Share them with people so that you can encourage one another. God wants to use our failure for his glory; we just need to let him. Opening up and showing our brokenness gives him the avenue to express his love and how to make it through this walk of faith. It also helps us to love people because it is when we actually can understand the love of God. God loves us in our brokenness. We do not need to do anything to earn it. Nothing we do will surprise him. He knows our inner most thoughts and still calls us to him. I am humbled at the thought of how much he loves us. I really want to be more like Him and just love people where they are for who they are and not what they do.
God open my eyes and my heart to love people the way you do. Teach me to walk in your ways and to see them the way you do. Help me to be open and honest with the places that I am failing in. Help me to shine a light in the darkness and to lead people to you. I give you all the honor, all the glory and all the praise. In your son's precious and mighty name I pray. Amen.
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