Love Eachother

Imagine being spun around in circles in a dark room and then trying to find your way to the light switch. It would be easy if you knew the layout of the room and the lights had just been turned off but adding the turning in circles makes it difficult to reorient yourself to your familiar surroundings. I have recently realized I have been turning in circles with my eyes closed trying to figure out how to love people when the answer was right in front of me. Just do it. I loved my family all my life with out any hesitation until I became a Christian in 2004. Now I am almost seven years old in my faith in Christ and I am just figuring out how to do it again. I have fallen for all the lies that said my family is in need of saving, my family doesn't understand,my family is lost, and the list goes on and on. What I'm coming to realize about my family is that they really do get it. They love unconditionally, serve each other, and give generously. They love to spend time with me and I have forgotten how easy it used to be for me to hang out with them. It's like I have forgotten the meaning of family and the comfort I should have from being around them. The only thing they are missing is a relationship with Christ. I have told them about Him and now it is up to God to reveal himself and soften their hearts, not me. Now all I need to do is love because that is what God has called me to do.

Life

Is it selfish to only think about the hope you have in eternity? How can we have hope and say God can use ugliness for his glory when those who are hurting are not saved? They do not have the security of hope in eternity with Jesus so what gets them through the hell here on Earth. I want so badly to trust that all of this is part of God's plan. I want to know that his heart is more broken than mine. I don't understand suffering and when it is just poor decisions but all of it sucks.

Why do I get to know the hope and not someone just like me? What could possibly be so different between me and someone who has the exact same background as me? Just thought I would share some of the thoughts I have been having lately. I hope to have something profound soon.

Something I read earlier though that offered some comfort from Abba's Child by Brennan Manning:

"Without deliberate awareness of the present risenness of Jesus, life is nonsense, all activity useless, all relationships in vain. Apart from the risen Christ we live in a world of impenetrable mystery and utter obscurity-- a world without meaning, a world of shifting phenomena, a world of death, danger, and darkness."

God I want to experience the presence of the risenness of Christ and not just be part of the meaninglessness of life.

What does Jesus really think?

I never knew what it would look like to be a social work major. I never knew what things I would have to think about or question in myself. I've had to discuss so many hot topics in the last 10 weeks of my education that it has totally shaken my world. I have learned about discrimination and other forms of oppression people face daily while I ignorantly go through the day oblivious. People actually are experiencing it right in front of my face and I have been so blind to it till now. The beginning of the semester was the beginning of my realization of these things and a righteous anger welling up inside of me. I have been so angry at all of the privileges I have been afforded for being white, middle class and able. I have been humbled by the things I have been blessed with while people who are just like me have had to fight, face hurt, and been denied the opportunities I have had.

It is so hard for me to think about the injustices and not get angry. My foundation is solid on the rock but the structure of my faith is reorganizing and going through renovations. God has taught us to love Him most and to love our neighbor as ourselves. How can we do this with out contradicting the beliefs in the Bible? God says that homosexuality is wrong but where do we draw the line on oppressing them? I want to think that it is wrong to deny them rights because they are people just like me. Why do I deserve special treatment? I am no better than they are. Why is there label so strong that it defines who they are? How am I supposed to advocate for the person and not for the sin? All of these things I have been struggling with. I want so badly to glorify God and to not cause anyone to stumble but I do not want to advocate for sin or be unloving towards any person. Where are we supposed to draw the line? Is there a way to do both?

I'm not sure what the answers are to these questions... I'm not sure there is a clear answer. I have learned a lot in the last two weeks about people and God. God loves all people. He sees down to their core. I am so tired of the Christianese talk and the fake masks that we wear every day. I want to see the reality of it all and how ugly we are with out Jesus. We all struggle with something and who is to say which thing is worse than the other. I don't believe that is how God works. The bible says there is no favoritism or partiality. I am just asking for people to be real with one another. Show your weaknesses and your strengths. Share them with people so that you can encourage one another. God wants to use our failure for his glory; we just need to let him. Opening up and showing our brokenness gives him the avenue to express his love and how to make it through this walk of faith. It also helps us to love people because it is when we actually can understand the love of God. God loves us in our brokenness. We do not need to do anything to earn it. Nothing we do will surprise him. He knows our inner most thoughts and still calls us to him. I am humbled at the thought of how much he loves us. I really want to be more like Him and just love people where they are for who they are and not what they do.

God open my eyes and my heart to love people the way you do. Teach me to walk in your ways and to see them the way you do. Help me to be open and honest with the places that I am failing in. Help me to shine a light in the darkness and to lead people to you. I give you all the honor, all the glory and all the praise. In your son's precious and mighty name I pray. Amen.

Reality

I have been getting to know myself better and learning about what God has for me. I've learned a few things over the last few months.

1- All things I had planned for my life before I knew Christ were put to death when I gave my life to Christ. I thought I could hold on to all the aspirations I had like being an architect, doctor, psychologist, or an EMT but the truth was I hadn't even talked to God or listened to what he wanted for me. After much conviction of my stubbornness, I had to give up all that I thought would help me to be successful in this world and allow God total control of my life. God revealed this to me a few months ago and now I realize that with him I can take on all those job titles with out ever being trained in them because Christ lives in me and can work through me. Who is to say that Christ can't teach me to be an architect of hearts, a doctor who heals, a psychologists that helps bring peace to people, or an EMT who helps anyone in an emergency. I can be all things through Christ.

That's all the time I have for now but I will be back sooner next time. I want to share what else I have learned.

Peace be still

All I have to say is God is SOOO Amazing!! This year has been one of the toughest in my life. I have struggled through a lot of bondage but I am beginning to see the light at the end of this tunnel of darkness.

James: 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

I want more than anything to be mature and complete in my walk with God. God says we should be like a tree firmly planted by a wellspring of water but I have a hard time staying in one spot for long periods of time. When I don’t see a point to what I am doing I am quick to quit and I hardly have ever finished anything I have started on my own. At this realization I have decided to be determined to finish things that I start even in the face of trials.

So trials are what God gives when you ask him for wisdom to move on to the next level of maturity… If I only knew before, I might have enjoyed the trials a little more. I have struggled with the idea of Trust and have been insecure for what seems like my whole life until now. Anxiety started attacking me when I was in third grade. It has come and gone since then and this past year has been a quest for healing and triumph once and for all. Anxiety is what has brought me into a relationship with the Lord. Through my adolescence I sought God because I was scared of my anxiety. Even now my anxiety draws me to God but I am not scared of it anymore because I know God, who gives me peace. He has expressed his love for me in the greatest book ever written, the Bible! No one could express love greater than Him. I am not sure where this is taking me but I will keep you posted. I am sorry if this is all over the place. I pray that your hearts are touched as I am completely honest with you through this process.

Psalm 23 has changed my life over the last three weeks. Whenever I feel anxious I just read it and find peace.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, [a] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Just receive the things it says and believe God for the victory over what ever you are going through. Peace be still is all I hear over and over when I am anxious. Just get to know Him and trust in Him.
Love you guys,
Courtney

Beautiful Inside and Out

Take a look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see something that you hate to look at or do you see through Jesus' eyes?

Read: Matthew 18:12-13

The earth has over six billion people on it and the population is still growing. Everyday people come to know Jesus. Everyday people die never even hearing his name. In a world so big and busy, it’s easy to say “I don’t really matter. I’m just one person, who is insignificant. I’m not worthy of working for Christ.” I’ve had all of these thoughts before and often they pop into my mind. The truth is they are just distractions and God loves you and me. He sought us out individually and rescued us from the darkness of this world. If he cares enough to know your name, how many hairs are on your head, the number of the stars and all by name, how much does he really love you? He loves to hear your voice when you pray. He waits for each moment you are going to spend with him. He rejoices every time you stand up in faith for his name. He will never leave you and always endures the battles right beside you. He wants you to know how much he loves you and that he really is all you will ever need.

Think about these questions:

When was the last time you really felt love (in a way where you felt your heart melt)?
Deep down, how do you feel about yourself?
How do you think you can change your thoughts so that you can really feel Jesus’ arms wrapped around you in an embrace of unconditional love?


Read aloud Songs of Solomon 4:1-15. Let it sink way deep into your spirit. It is a love letter from Jesus to you. He truly looks at you and feels those things. Jesus is not only savior, friend, redeemer, but also a lover. He wants you to know how he treasures you and how much you really mean to him.

Lord I thank you for this message that you have given me and for the way that you have used it to set me free. Lord I pray that it does the same for all others who read it. Lord I pray that is lands on hearts that have soil that is ready to flourish and produce fruit for your kingdom. I pray that your will would be done in all of our lives as it is in heaven and that we will seek to renew our minds and see through your eyes each and every day. Speak to our hearts with clarity so that we may see what sacrifices we need to make for you. Thank you father for your heart and the way you seek us out and truly treasure and love each and every one of us. In Jesus name I pray that this sheds light in someones darkness. Amen.

Hope, Purpose, and Love

He gives me HOPE

He gives me PURPOSE

He gives me LOVE

For so many years, I walked in the wilderness, almost eighteen to be exact. I spent that time searching. When I realized there had be something more to this life, I started looking for a purpose. In every bad time I encountered, I went to God. I don’t know why or what put that in my heart, that God would hear me when I called. I guess maybe I was born with it, or maybe someone planted a seed of his word. Who knows? In elementary school I had anxiety issues and had to go to a shrink who told me my problems were from my mom leaving me. In middle and high school I struggled with bad thoughts, thoughts of suicide, cursing, disobedience, and self image which now I know is linked to a form of OCD. I can’t say that I don’t struggle with some of those now. In the spring of 2004 God called my name. On April 18, 2004, god touched my heart, reached out and grabbed me and gave me hope, purpose, and love.

Without Jesus, my lord and savior, I would not be able to see the light of hope in my life. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path (Psalm 119:105).” With out His light I would be in darkness. After living in darkness and not realizing what it really meant to live a life of sin, it was amazing to see the changes I needed to make. He revealed his truth to my heart. As I studied the bible, went to church, and made new relationships with Christians I could see the hope he had given all of us to live with. The life here on earth, 80 years average, is only a glimpse of what he has planned for us. Here on earth we struggle with sin, live with faults and trials, and battle the enemy. In Heaven we will be set free from all of those things. We will live the life he had intended for us from the beginning. It will be reset back to the time when He looked down upon the earth and said it was good, so very good. It is in him that we can find hope that one day everything will be good and it will be Heaven.

At the end of my senior year, I had some big plans for myself but that all changed when God looked down on me and called me out and gave me a purpose. It did not change like a flash of lightning. It was a “process” that all Christians have to go through. I didn’t even change my life until I went away to college in August2004 and even now there are things I am still working on. Jesus said in Matthew 28:18-20, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in^[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." In the driver seat of my car, sitting at the church I found to be my home in Knoxville, TN, I pondered the meaning of that verse. I was battling feelings of whether I should stay in Knoxville or come back home to Richmond. I really had no idea what I was going to do in either place. I just wanted to make the right decision. By this time I had made a small group of Christian friends who held me accountable and showed me what life really meant. I joined my very first small groups. I found purpose and I was on fire. I wanted to touch people’s lives and show them why I was so happy and where I found my hope. In 1Peter 3:15 Peter writes, “But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” I was living this out in my own way at first. Once I met opposition it got harder. My family was the first to hurt my faith. They wanted me to come home from UT because they believed I was in a cult. Being so on fire, I had talked to all of them about Jesus, how my life had changed, what I thought they needed to do to get to heaven and how to live this life. Ouch! Did that hurt the relationships I had, especially on my dad’s side of our family. My life has not been easy since I became Christian but it has been more joyful. After three years of being a follower of Christ, I realized love I the one thing that conquers all of the opposition we face.

When Jesus walked in this world, he walked in love with everyone. For us to walk with him we must walk in love. God inspired me with this knowledge through the reading of his word and the other Christian leaders that I take advice from. I’ve learned that the only way we can teach others about Christ is to live like him and to show people the respect and love that he would have shown them if he were here, no matter how awful we think they are. I follow Christ because he loves me and because I know he is faithful. He has loved me all of my life, through my sin and shame. He has blessed me with the ability to love others, to see past their iniquities, and go out of my way to show them my faith.

Jesus Christ died for us to have life. He lived a life with out sin and suffered for our sins so that we would make the cut to be on God’s team. In the many blessing that I have received since I turned my life over to Christ, I got hope, purpose, and love. I know so many other people who need these things in there life.